Thursday, September 29, 2011

Specifically

As we wait for my daughter's chemistry to adjust itself from the meds increased (or stopped)  a few weeks ago, I find myself praying very globally and very specifically.

When situations arise that are very rough, I pray, "Please, God.  Please, God.  Please, God."  I have no other words, only the feelings of being overwhelmed, impotent, at the mercy of skewed logic.  At their worst -- and if I'm alone -- I start singing the hymns that remind me that I can "cast all my anxiety on Him":  "Sweet Hour of Prayer" comes first, though I usually choke out the words on desperate sobs and have to sing it a few times through before I believe it, trying all the while to breathe.

Just now, however, I found myself praying quite specifically.  My daughter is doing her homework (a good thing, really), but the assignment she's finishing is the last two of six tutorials on a CAD software program that she will use throughout the school year.  The software, in my opinion, is not meant to be used by children, and the tutorials seem to leave out some vital steps -- or at least pertinent helpful hints.  Oh, and there are glitches and patches and fixes, but only if you know they are glitches and not missing steps might you think to ask if there are patches or fixes.  And if you ask, you may or may not get the fix you need.  (We went through this once before when my son was in the same class three years ago.  He barely made a passing grade on any piece of an assignment that used this software.  At the time, I thought it was just him -- he doesn't really like to follow the directions and tended to skip steps -- but glitches are glitches.)  So now, as my daughter's frustration mounted and the growling began, my stress levels rose, and I prayed, "Please help her solve this.  Please help her be brilliant.  Please help her find the error, identify a solution, solve it, and move on.  Please help her to stay calm.  You are God.  You can do this."

Again, as there is a moment of peace in a prayer answered, I will return to the global, "Thank you, God!" and hit Publish.

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